As much as getting attacked hurt — especially when you get crucio’d — Jean didn’t mind, as long as it meant that her friends would be okay. The moment her friends get hurt much worse than her — crucio’d, I mean — is the moment Jean will lose it. Her friends mean everything to her, considering this is the first year she’s had real friends since she went to a Muggle school. Most of her friends tell her that she should think about herself once in a while, but she honestly doesn’t care. She’s so selfless, and it just might be the end of her. She’d much rather be bloody and broken in the hospital wing than watching Mary, Benjy, Marly, Robbie, Sirius, or any of the other kids she’s had more than a few conversations with that mean something to her.
And the way she talks about it — so matter of factly, that says something. That just shows how much she could care less. But not in a bad way. She does care about herself, but her friends mean so much more to her — more than anyone could ever imagine. Most people don’t realise that she’s this selfless, probably because they’ve never actually been around her for long. The way she talks about her friends, it’s obvious how much she loves them. Whenever she talks about Marly, Mary, or Benjy, she calls them all her best friend. Why? Because they are. She doesn’t believe you can only have one best friend. You have a lot of best friends, because if you depend on only one person, something will go wrong. She’s seen this happen, and she has learned from their mistakes.
Back to the attacks now. They hurt. Like hell. More than you can imagine. To have someone so carelessly raise their wand, and utter that one word, is horrifying. They don’t feel a thing — unless they feel triumphant about what they’ve done.
The first time she got attacked, it was Bellatrix. Bellatrix has terrified her since first year just from the stories, but witnessing and feeling all of Bellatrix’s hate for Muggleborns first hand is the most horrible experience in the entire world. When Bellatrix called her filth, Jean wouldn’t take it. In the heat of the moment, Jean can be very brave — some might say foolishly so. But she won’t take hate because of something so bloody trivial.
The second time, Yaxley attacked her. He pushed her to the ground, then Apparated them into the Shrieking Shack. Most people think this is the most haunted place in all of Britain, but for Jean, it resembles one of the worst nights in her life. It was the first time someone used an Unforgivable on her. After feeling that unimaginable pain — every single square inch of your body alight with a fire billions of degrees — she would never wish that on another human. Having Remus find her, then having Marlene take her up to the hospital wing, makes Jean grateful to be alive. She feels like she’ll be forever indebted to Remus for this, because if he hadn’t found her, she would have surely died. He saved her life, and she really hopes he knows this.
The third time, Alecto hexed her tongue to the roof of her mouth, then hexed her legs together. Jean, personally, doesn’t count this as an attack, because she wasn’t hurt that bad — Madam Pomfrey just had to fix the counter-curses, and that was it. Mary found her, and for that she loves Mary all the more.
But the entire time all she could think was: What happens if this happens to my friends? What will I do then? Forget that she’s being tortured in that moment, her friends are more important. They mean so much to her, so much more than her own life. I honestly don’t know how much more I can emphasise this.
So, all in all, as long as her friends are safe, she doesn’t mind being attacked.
This also means that when Jean finds out Sirius was crucio’d, she’s going to lose her shit, and it’s going to be scary.